Why Nagging Doesn't Work

Mom scolding and nagging boy

Sit back and think for just a moment. Really take a minute to assess how nagging is helping you. Or is it? It's widely accepted that no matter whom you are nagging; your spouse or your children, it just doesn't work. Nagging is tiresome and can be downright exhausting. Just for a moment let's consider why nagging is ineffective and why this method of motivation is anything but motivating.

Resentment – Nagging can cause a very angry response in anyone, whether it is a spouse, your children, or even a friend. This can cause resentment. The task you have been nagging them about ends up being the very last thing that they want to do.

They will tune you out! Nagging is so unpleasant that they will end up tuning you out. Can you blame them? Who really wants to listen to someone nagging repeatedly? At some point your spouse and your children will just stop listening. It's pretty simple; the more you nag, the less they will actually hear you.

Some psychologists say that this is negative reinforcement. They express that nagging says, "I will stop punishing you with all of this nagging when you do what I am telling you to do." The problem is, the person who is being nagged feels that once they have done what you wanted, you will just find something else to nag about.

You feel as though someone is controlling you when they nag. Who likes to feel this way? Nobody that we know of! The person being nagged feels that they are being manipulated, this in turn makes them feel like doing anything but what they are being nagged to do.

When you really take a look at what nagging is all about, you are looking at a bunch of words. It becomes easy for others to "duck" from these annoying words. Soon, others will learn that you are all talk, and if they wait it out long enough you will eventually end up doing the task yourself.

Kids learn what they live. By nagging you are modeling a behavior that could eventually leave you finding that your kids will start to communicate with you in a similar way. This is probably something that is not given much thought; however, realizing this ahead of time can help you to change things before they get that far.

Nagging tends to focus on a person's faults, instead of the good things. It focuses on what they are not doing and gives the idea that something is wrong with this person or that they are not worthy, all because they did not follow through and complete certain tasks. Negativity like this can lead to poor self esteem.

By nagging your spouse you are acting as if you are their parent. It has been said by experts that this is something that can really damage a marriage.

What it all comes down to is that you really need to take a few moments to think before you speak. Remember to ask yourself, "Would I want to be talked to this way?" If your answer is no, then you know you need to change a few things. You want to motivate, not nag.

Why Nagging Doesn't Work

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